


Q's Revenge

by Niwasae



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Humor, Minor James Bond/Madeleine Swann, Multi, Panic, Post-SPECTRE, Pre-James Bond/Q, Pre-Slash, Screaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-10 06:07:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15285342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niwasae/pseuds/Niwasae
Summary: Bond goes to pick up the DB5. Q has been waiting for this moment. Nobody is prepared for Moneypenny's wrath.





	Q's Revenge

            There are many things that Q could tolerate from 007 and a lot that he wanted revenge for. Luckily, Bond just walked himself into a pre-planned trap.

            “I know you’ve been working on it Q.” The damned agent purred as he leaned across the desk towards the Quartermaster.

            Q had spent hundreds of his own spare time and money to restore the DB5. It looked brand new and had all the goodies any spy would ever want or need from a weaponized vehicle. There was, however, just one thing about the revived DB5 that differed from all of its kind, and it was this one change that Q had deliberately made just in case this exact situation occurred. The only problem with this change was that the agent would probably know there was something wrong with the car the minute he started to drive it. There was no other way. Q would have to force Bond to steal it and drive off with Ms. Swann as quickly as possible.

Now to begin the mission.

            “I have no idea what you are talking about Bond.” Q said nonchalantly as he angled his body away.

            “You can’t fool me Q. The DB5; I know it’s restored and ready to go. I promise to take care of it, scouts honor.” Bond replied with his right hand over his heart and wide eyes.

            “Ah, that. Unfortunately, the DB5 is to be assigned to 006 for his next assignment.” Q began to slowly distance himself from his table. Bond frowned and deadpanned.

            “Are we talking about the same person? Alec, you’re giving the car to that pyromaniac?”

            “I don’t want to hear that from the person who destroys my tech on a regular basis.” Q retorted with a scowl.

            “Where are the keys, Q?” Q gave a quick glance to the mentioned keys that were hanging near his office door and locked eyes with the former double-0.

            In a split second, Q was dashing towards the keys while Bond jumped over the table, growling under his breath.

* * *

            Eve was not having a good day. It all started the second she stepped into the underground garage of her flat. The left heel of her brand-new Louboutin’s had fallen off and she nearly twisted her ankle. Deciding that it was not worth the five minutes trip it would take to go back to her flat, she decided to wear the extra pair of heels in her car. Unfortunately, the backup pair ended up being an online buy that she forgot to return because it was a size bigger than what she usually wore. Then there was the traffic jam caused by a civilian with a flat tire, who could not be bothered to move his vehicle from the busy intersection to the corner store parking lot just two feet away.

            Now with her too big heels and a cup of hot coffee in one hand and a file in the other, she was ready to start her day. It seemed, however, that her luck was about to spiral even further down the drain.

            “M-M-Money--EVE,” Q shrieked as he ran down the hall towards her at an alarming speed. Eve frowned as she watched the usually composed Quartermaster huffing and puffing and looking like a deer being chased down by a bear. Said bear being the furious ex-007 who was hot on Q’s heels. “Catch!” Q threw something from his clenched fist just as Bond tackled him to the floor with a grunt. A ring of keys landed in front of her feet. Eve, who had started to powerwalk forward, tripped over the keys because of her shoes and spilled hot coffee down the front of her white suit.

            There was a moment of silence. Q, who had seen what was about to happen before Moneypenny had tripped had wriggled and squirmed his way from under Bond’s bulky body and had a half second head start back towards his office when he heard Bond cursing at his back while the furious woman chased them down.

            “Hurry up Q!” Bond yelled as they reached the Q department and shot towards his protected office.

            “I’m trying,” Q screamed back as he fumbled with the passcode to enter his domain, “I got it!” The boffin exclaimed, excited, only to be forcefully pushed into his office with Bond and Moneypenny falling past him as they tumbled onto the ground grappling with one another. The woman on a rampage had jumped onto Bond’s back as soon as the door had opened sending them down to the ground. Q took one look at the pair walked back out, closing the door behind him with the lock automatically engaging. He knew it would take the pair about a minute or two to unscramble and unlock the door from the inside. So, once again, he ran back out of his department to where he threw the keys.

            Q huffed and puffed as the elevator doors opened to the underground carpark and jogged his exhausted body to the DB5. He unlocked the driver’s door and slipped in, making sure to lock the door and took a minute to catch his breath. A pounding to the window made him start with a loud yelp and a groan of pain as the top of his head met the roof of the car. He looked out the driver side window and saw Bond scowling at him with a hard glint in his eyes and a rumpled suit.

            “Get out of the car, Q.” Q was about to respond when the car spoke.

            “ _Danger at 3’oclock. Enemy approaching. Bulletproof shielding at 100% engaged. Evasive maneuvers advised. Danger.”_ Q whipped his head towards the passenger window and saw Moneypenny getting off the elevator with an AK-47 in one hand and the bullet cartridge in the other.

            Before Bond had time to notice her or even move, Q had slammed the door open, hitting the former agent and scrambling out of the car. He threw the keys onto the driver’s seat and took off towards his precious red Mini Cooper with its black and white checkerboard rooftop. It was the only time in his life he made his car tires squeal as he took off towards the exit and made for home, leaving only the sound of a powerful engine and the blast of the AK-47 behind him.

            When he reached home he was welcomed by his two cats and in a celebratory mood. He opened a bottle of Wilhelm Bergmann Eiswein and gave a toast,

           “To well-made plans and genius engineering!”

* * *

            James Bond, meanwhile, recovered from the blow from the door and scrambled into the car as Moneypenny opened fire right at him. He took off behind Q with the usual tire squeal and the sound of the car speaker blasting reporting the integrity of the bulletproof exterior. He breathed a sigh of relief once he got out of the range of the semiautomatic assault rifle and went to pick up Ms. Swann for a long-deserved vacation. But as time flew by and the beautiful silent DB5 ate up the miles, he couldn’t help but feel like something was wrong.

          A month into the trip, at an Aston Martin dealership in Belgium, James had finally found the source of his misgivings.

          “What do you mean it’s the wrong engine?”

          “The engine is a 2.0L Twin Turbo Inline 4 Hybrid. The one that’s supposed to be in the DB5 is a 3.9L Straight 6. Whoever did the change is a genius.” The mechanic praised. Bond snorted,

          “I know. How long will it take to replace the engine?”

          “Well, since it’s a vintage DB5 and I assume you want the original?” Bond nodded, “It’ll be ready in 2 months. We need to get the parts shipped here and assemble it before we can install it into the car. I’m not going to lie, it’s going to be really expensive.”

          Bond groaned, “Is there any good news that you can give me?”

          “This is currently the most environmentally friendly DB5 in existence?” the mechanic trailed off uncertainly.

 

           

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this late night story!


End file.
